Tonight, Tonight.

When I first started to think about this trip, I was grounded enough to realize that my excitement was tempered by my fear of the unknown. Granted, the fear was sitting nicely in the shadow of my jubilation, amazement, and uncontainable jumping at the thought of it all. To further illustrate: the excitement level was an eleven and the fear level was about a three.

Let us fast forward to the present. It is now just over three days before my flight departs from JFK and so many things have changed. Am I more prepared logistically? Yes. Am I practically bionic? Yes. Have I done more research for fun than humanly recommended? Yes.

My realization today was that although excitement level is probably a twelve, the fear level is... well, I think an eight. I'm going to get off a plane and be in *BANGKOK* with a list of amazing things I want to see and do, but with no solid plans.

I was talking to a friend who went to S.E.A. and he told me about this amazing fish and rice soup that he loved... for breakfast. Granted, I love my food n'all, but I don't know if I can do fish for breakfast. It was that moment that I began to wonder if I'd miss my morning oatmeal or if upon my return I would be pushing for a national "Fish For Breakfast" movement. I won't be able to have ice... just pick up an apple and nosh... etc. What about cheese...? In case you didn't know - Asian countries are not so hot with the cheese.

Driving. I won't drive for over two months. I can't tell you the sense of ultimate freedom and pleasure I get from just owning a car... it's like owning possibility. I could go to North Dakota right now... right this moment. I've never been - perhaps it would be just the cat's pajamas! I adore an afternoon drive with nowhere to go, a last minute jaunt home, and a random trip to the best place on earth (uh, Target... hello?). While in some ways this trip is so freeing, it's a different kind of freedom. In my past life I swear I was a puppy who lived for a country drive with the windows down, ears flopping in the breeze, and a romp in a field of flowers before returning home. (I'd like to think I was a Weimaraner, by the way... so cute!)

I suppose I'll close for tonight by posting lyrics to a song. A friend gave me a new disk and although the entire thing was really quite good, one song stood out to me as my favorite thus far. It wasn't until I really listened to the lyrics that I realized why my unconcious was enamoured. Also, I'm anticipating feeling as though I have a lost appendage without my daily music fix. I wonder how that will feel...

It's called Chinese Translation by M. Ward:

I sailed a wild, wild sea
climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met a old, old man
beneath a weeping willow tree
He said now if you got some questions
go and lay them at my feet
but my time here is brief
so you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
and how can a man like me remain in the light
and if life is really as short as they say
then why is the night so long
and then the sun went down
and he sang for me this song

See I once was a young fool like you
afraid to do the things
that I knew I had to do
So I played an escapade just like you
I played an escapade just like you
I sailed a wild, wild sea
climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met an old, old man
he sat beneath a sapling tree
He said now if you got some questions
go and lay them at my feet
but my time here is brief
so you'll have to pick just three

And I said
What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart
and how can a man like me remain in the light
and if life is really as short as they say
then why is the night so long
and then the sun went down
and he played for me this song